Routine into Rituals (Or How I Live Out my 1800s Medicine Woman Fantasy)

Last October, every part of my life was feeling hectic, and I wanted to find ways to streamline my routine so that I didn’t dread the daily tasks that will never go away. I felt like I had to accomplish 30 things just to leave the house to go to work, and frankly, I had hit a wall. My version of Minimalism includes living with intention, creating a ritual out of a routine, and removing extraneous choices when possible. I decided that if I could find a way to enjoy (or at least not abhor) the daily tasks (putting on makeup for work, making our lunches, washing the never-ending supply of sippy cups for daycare, etc), I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed.

I am a huge fan of Joanna Goddard, and particularly love the Beauty Uniform series on A Cup of Jo. The feature with Holiday Kumar inspired me to buy the book Absolute Beauty by Pratima Raichur. It’s a book on skincare based on Ayurvedic principles, and you use ingredients that you would eat to clean, nourish, and moisturize your skin. The idea of creating skincare concoctions spoke to the part of myself that wants to be a medicine women in the 1800s, and I found myself excitedly purchasing ingredients and essential oils at a health food store in Bloomington, Indiana while visiting my in-laws over Christmas.

After reading the book and determining my skin type, I have been washing my face with a mix of almond flour, dry milk, and a pinch of sugar ever since. I put sesame oil with drops of essential oils on to moisturize, and it has made the daily task of washing my face into a ritual that I enjoy. Although I have not incorporated all of the book’s techniques into my life, I have benefited from this small step. It makes washing my face feel like a fun experiment instead of a chore. Plus, my skin feels fantastic.

Last year, on a mama brunch & shopping date with my friend, Olivia, I also bought new makeup so I could get ready for work and not have to think about what to use. I work in a corporate office, and feel best when my makeup looks natural but polished. I love Nars and MAC cosmetics, and think that they last forever .

For choosing what to wear, editing my wardrobe and doing Un-Fancy's Capsule Wardrobes have been so helpful. I know that everything hung up currently fits and is something that I would like to wear.

When I wash the dishes, I do two things. If I painted my nails or my skin is dry, I put some olive oil on my hands and slip on dish gloves before washing the dishes. I also started bringing my iPad in the kitchen to watch funny 30 minute shows that don't require a lot of attention, like Blackish, Fresh Off the Boat, and Last Man Alive. It's a fun distraction and helps me enjoy the time while I get the dishes done and our lunches packed for the next day.

About 5 months into these changes, I'm feeling much better and think I have a handle on our daily routine. I know that things will shift and you have to be flexible, but the important thing is my mindset has changed.

P.S. As a former makeup junkie, you know that I had to draw all of my daily products, right?!

5 Reasons Marie Kondo's Tidying Method Worked for Me

Marie Kondo’s book, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, was on my radar for a few months before I decided to purchase it. I wish I could remember what I read that made me press click immediately to download it onto my iPad. Thank you, Universe. It was the Sunday after I returned to Philly from the holidays, still hazy after a long nap trying to make up for the 12 hour drive through the night from Indiana with an almost 2 year old.  I read the first half of the book in about an hour. I had to force myself to keep reading so that I could get to the part where she told me to start Tidying.

I was inspired to try her method to streamline my daily routines in order to create a better work/life balance.  It also coincides with my fascination with minimalism, and the idea of turning routines into rituals. I decided I needed to write about it instead of talking evangelically to any of my friends or coworkers who would listen. (Although many of them are also reading the book now!)

She advises you start with your clothes. I inwardly groaned at having to drag clothes from 4 different places into a huge pile just to put them all back. But I had read the book, and I trusted this strange lady, since she was adamant that it works and can change your life if you follow her steps. I listened, but I was skeptical about having to speak to my belongings. I had thought my clothes were already pared down, since I edit and donate each season. I was mistaken. Once I threw all of my clothes into a pile, it felt massive, but not overwhelming. I awkwardly held my first item in my hands and asked, “Does this spark joy?” Whether that first item passed the test or not, I don’t remember. But rather quickly, I finished the pile, made my decisions, and bagged up about 70% of my clothes. When I write that down, it sounds shocking. But it was surprisingly easy and felt different than the dozens of times I had done this before. I was giddy.

Here’s why it worked for me.

1. Sorting by category is genius. 

There is power in confronting the reasons why you have an Everest sized pile of clothes. Especially a pile of clothes that no longer fit, you don’t like, or even use anymore. The mass to sort through becomes easier and easier, since you have to pace yourself with so much to get through. Once you see 5 of the same type of item you’re ambivalent about, it gets easier to say no to all of them, or at least 4 of them. I found that I’d already gotten rid of most things over the years that didn’t fit me anymore or suit my style, yet had hung onto many random items for sentimental reasons, guilt, or “just because”.  

2. Take out the Long Criteria of Decision Making, just ask One Question – “Does it Spark Joy?”

Any other time I’ve done something like this, there are too many ways you can rationalize needing to keep something you don’t want. It’s exhausting to have to make so many decisions. “Does it spark joy? Yes or No?” is so refreshing, especially at a time when people suffer from decision paralysis just to order brunch. It’s a joy to have permission to ask yourself one question or just trust your intuition.

Here is how I interpreted “Sparks Joy”:

• Items that I immediately reach for in my closet or make me feel good
• Clothing, colors and materials that fit well and are flattering
• Clothes that feel authentic to my style and how I want to be perceived in the world
• Items with positive emotional ties that I desire to keep (like my late brother's band t-shirts that I wear)

But what about things you need but they don’t spark total joy, like an old winter coat, or a uniform you need to keep? I had a great discussion on Instagram with Dara Schneider/The Minimalist Athlete (IG @minimalistathlete about this. She’s a purist, and I’m decidedly less so. Dara is inspiring, amazing, and I love connecting with other people on this journey and seeing their perspective. Her extremeness pushes me to challenge myself more. I realized I had created my own Spark Joy – Criteria Range. Realistically and financially, I can’t replace everything I don’t love, especially right now. Plus, it’s a lifelong process. Here are the criteria I’m using for my decisions, which I’m not over thinking, but doing intuitively.

•  In order to consume less and be more intentional with what I do purchase, I can prioritize what I need to replace over time with things that spark more joy (fit better, higher quality, etc).
• Mend or tailor items to make them work better for me? If I’m not going to do it immediately, I know I didn’t like that item very much to begin with.
• Is it a seasonal item that I only use occasionally but isn’t my favorite? I’ll keep it and focus on the items I use more frequently.
• I know that my preferences (particularly related to color) change with the seasons. If I love everything else, I’m keeping it until the season arrives where that color feels right to me. I can then donate later if applicable.
• Wearing less things more frequently means I will have to replace things more often as they wear out. Clothes and belongings are not meant to last forever. Don’t expect them to.
• Clothing is just one part of the picture. If I don’t have enough clothes to get me through the week (and had to do laundry more often), other parts of my life would suffer. Efficiency and convenience is one of the reasons I’m drawn to this, especially so I can pare down my daily tasks to have more time to spend with my family and to paint.

Here are some belongings I thanked and sent back into the world. I did take pictures of some things that I really had trouble parting with, which helped me.

•  17 year old thermal pants that my Aunt bought me for a graduation snowboarding trip – just in case I got to go camping again, snowboarding, and never had access to a Target where I could buy another pair
• A bridesmaid dress in a color that didn’t flatter me when I wore it 4 years ago, but will be so exciting for whomever finds that Vera Wang bargain at The Good Will
• Jeans that aggravate my C-Section scar and aren’t in style anymore anyway
• The Letterman jacket that my parents bought you (thank you, Mom and Dad) and I wanted to badly in high school, but only got to wear occasionally since it was really hot in Florida. In fact, one of the times I wore it was while wearing a swimsuit and no pants at a Diving Meet.  I would have kept it anyway, but the manufactured leather had started deteriorating and was ruined. It had its final hurrah when I wore it for Halloween a few years ago, and noticed that everything I touched was getting streaks of sticky plastic residue
• 20 year old dress shirt that belonged to my dad, that I wore as a nightshirt in college and for years later. It has since been retired, but I could never part with it. My dad is thankfully still alive, and I can steal hundreds of other ratty shirts from him whenever I want
• A blue tweed jacket I bought for an interview 9 years ago that I felt bad about not wearing again, since I never had a place to wear it to. Also, the style was not good Coco Chanel tweedy jacket, but Working Girl 1980s looking.

3. Thank your clothes. 

Okay, so this is the part of the process that I found the weirdest, which boggles me, since I talk to my car and thank her for her service all the time (is that not the same)? I didn’t talk to any clothes until I got to the 20 year old dress shirt of my dad’s mentioned above. I knew that I wanted to let it go, but wanted to understand why I was holding on to it for so long. So I held it in my hands, looked at it, and started talking. The words just came out without me having to think. I understood that the shirt had been my connection to my dad when I was away at college and a little homesick. My dad was not a big phone talker, but I missed him very much. Wearing his shirt to sleep in was a way to connect in my own way. But I no longer needed the shirt, since I’m so lucky my father is here, and now we talk and Face Time often. My dad also emails me nearly every day now! After that incident, I talked to any clothes that needed it, or would just bow my head silently to thank it for its service if I felt inclined.

4. Hold all of your clothes. 

I get it now, Marie Kondo. Holding your belongings makes you more attuned with what you have, and makes you remember or decide whether you love them or just need to send them on their way. In a way, you’re the medium and figuring out what your clothes want to tell you. I cannot believe I just wrote that, but it feels true. (And this is why I love connecting with other KonMari Konverts because they will not think I’m crazy, but will be nodding their heads and smiling.) When you turn them in your hands, you can see that it’s your favorite red sweater’s last season due to wear, or that you need to mend a hem to your pants. Holding my clothes made it easier to decide what to keep, and encouraged me to mend or take care of what I did want to keep. I mended a button on my winter coat which took 5 minutes, and now love wearing that coat. I hemmed a pair of pants that had been bugging me for a year, and it took barely any time. perhaps now that I have less, I also want to take better care of what is left.

5. Fold your clothes and store vertically. 

I don’t think I can ever go back to before. Her way of folding is very easy, and makes everything in your drawers fit neatly. I don’t know if it’s because I edited so much of my wardrobe, or if it is the new way of folding, but I did not need any more storage than I currently have. Also, it has been 7 weeks since I folded everything neatly, and it’s still as nice as it was the first day. I found myself walking past my drawers and just opening them to look at my sushi rolls of socks, or folded pants. It’s also hard to throw your clothes back into the drawer, since it already looks so nice. You’re not knocking over stacks of clothes and messing it up again. Everything is visible and lined up. Last thing. I was feeling lazy the other day and threw off my t-shirt to change, and was going to put it in the drawer inside out. In my head, Marie Kondo’s voice asked me, “Won’t your shirt be embarrassed to be next to its friends inside out?” Don’t you know that I agreed, folded it up neatly and put it back. I hope I made Marie Kondo proud.

I am also ready to start a career being a Marie Kondo Tidying consultant, apparently she will be offering overseas training in the US! In the meantime I will just enjoying being a Marie Kondo Konvert and writing about my progress here.

Winter 2015 Capsule Wardrobe

This is my second time doing the capsule wardrobe. I didn't have enough pants last season and ripped my only pair of jeans, so I did not worry out about following the capsule exactly. After all, one of my goals for doing a capsule wardrobe was to streamline my routine in the morning to eliminate undue stress from my day. To rectify the pants issue, my ever helpful and generous Mom bought me two pairs of corduroys and new jeans when I was home in Florida last November (thanks, Mom!). She also kept my rambunctious toddler occupied while I tried on clothes (thanks even more, Mom!) I had a hard time deciding what to wear this season. If I had my druthers I would have wanted to wear all black and white this season. I have been very inspired by these muted neutrals and a limited palette.  However I wanted to be realistic and use a lot of what I have, since I didn't want to purchase too many things.

I used as much black and white as I could and inserted wintry colors (eggplant and navy). Here's what I came up with.

I have been meaning to get a couple of sweaters and finally had the chance to shop and find something today (sans toddler). They were also both on sale - score! Since I knew exactly what I needed to round out my wardrobe, it was easy to target my search and not spend money on extraneous items. I also got a free lipstick at MAC with the "empties" I had used up. Good stuff!

Goodbye, 35!

I turned 36 on November 19th. I'm happy to be here another year, and I'm happy that I can finally remember my age now - since I've consistently forgotten if I am 35 or 36 for the past several months. When you're a kid, you think of these numbers - these ages, so abstractly. You also think your parents have it all figured out, which is hilarious now. I'm sure they were all winging it just like I know I am! You assign specific milestones to them. It's funny that I don't remember assigning a milestone after 27. Perhaps it's that I figured my 30s and on would be so easy, with all the money I'd be making working and saving to go on trips, and buy "grown up" things like sofas, houses, cars and other adult necessities. Ha! Kids forget about taxes, student loans and childcare costs. And groceries.

I always thought 27 sounded like the best year. It was an odd number which I like, and an age that seemed like you had things figured out and were officially "grown up" and maybe had a kid, but not "old". 27 did make me grow up though, as it was the year I lost my brother. But, it was also a reminder to never truly "grow up", and to live my life and appreciate every age so that I could continue to bring joy, the learning of new things, and laughter into each new year - in an attempt to also bring part of my brother's spirit with me.

So before I look at 36, I want to remember a few things from 35. Thank God for the micro-blogging goodness that is Instagram, so can remember! (And I know this is long, but I have to get the word count in for my semi-annual posts these days - kidding!)

My mantra this year was "One Thing at a Time". I wanted to stay present (except for folding laundry, that requires television), keep my mind straight and stop trying to do too much at once. Whether that was at work, hanging with Henry, or taking on too many commitments or activities. I think it all worked out.

I adjusted to the new routine of my life with a one-year old little boy. I tried to stay present in the moment, and give him my full attention when I could, but also not be too hard on myself. Babies need to learn how to be their own people too, and I love that Henry is independent. I also tried not to fall into the "mom guilt" trap, and to support my other parent friends. We are all doing the best we can, and that has to be enough. Did I mention that I called my own mom and dad every single day? Thank God for those people, and thank God for FaceTime!

We got to travel to Florida for Christmas and this past Thanksgiving, Indiana in March, see my cousin from the Philippines in April, and have a Huber family reunion in July. We played a lot of cards. I love that my family loves games (excluding my Dad, who used to play but now rebels). The older I get, the more important keeping in touch with my family is.

I read books! I even let the dishes or laundry pile up sometimes in order to get some Marissa time in.

I did my first Capsule Wardrobe in November. I think that I always wear the same things anyhow, but now it's more intentional.

I donated, gave away or tossed possessions that I do not need or want. I've been reading more about minimalism and I find it addicting. The part that intrigues me is clearing up the clutter in your life to make room to focus on your passions. I also like buying less, but getting better quality items on something that will last. It doesn't have to be about having nothing, but surrounding yourself with people and things that you truly love. Except art supplies. The more the better! Ha!

We spent quality time with Henry. He is at the age where he has a full personality and makes us laugh all the time. We visited the Zoo, the Please Touch Museum, the beach, parks with our friends, we went on walks around the neighborhood, played at the water park, we smiled and waved to the sweet old ladies near our local playground, and we embraced silliness to make our boy laugh.

Henry and I religiously attended "Pizza Tuesday" all summer. Or as my friends refer to it,"Tuesday is the new Friday." We wrangle our kids at a park and order fresh Margarita pizzas and glass bottle Coca-Colas from a food truck with a wood fire oven on board. Tuesdays were one of the highlights of my summer. Sometimes we even got ice cream afterwards. Heaven.

I chopped off eight inches of my hair to donate and get some much needed style back.

Henry got bronchialitis / asthma triggered from colds (that he should hopefully outgrow), we stayed at the hospital 4 separate times. He is doing much better and his new asthma plan is working really well (knock on wood). We are so grateful that we live 2 miles away from the best Children's hospital in the country and he has received amazing care. Henry and I got to attend a garden showing under the stars of an opera that my friend was performing in at Longwood Gardens. It was a truly magical night. We spent the day exploring the gardens with my girlfriends, drank some wine, and sat under the stars on a chilly summer night. I sat in the back near the exit with my sleeping boy (in case he cried so we wouldn't disturb anyone), and it is a memory I'll always treasure.

I did some side gigs! I helped a lovely couple in Chicago with space planning and interior design for a family friendly Living, Dining and Work / Foyer area, and wrapped up some work with a local client in Philly.

After a brief hiatus, I started drawing and painting again.

Mike and I got to dress up fancy and attend  a beautiful outdoor wedding, drink champagne and stand outside barefoot in the wet grass with our friends while watching the party from afar. I think it should be a rule for every major party to sneak away for a moment and to take a quiet moment and capture the moment in your mind.

I re-worked our family budget to pay down debt and save more. This led to saving money on food and imaginative meals using the  contents of our pantry. I find our routine works better when I do some meal planning, and when I'm also realistic and put in flexibility to order pizza or have Mike pick up Wawa! (I've also found that people who are into "meal planning" are really into meal planning so you can find a lot of information - thank you, Internet!)

I finished all seasons of The Wire, and officially agree with society that it is the best television show ever made.

I read (and loved) Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg and tried to apply principles to my career. My friend and I now use the phrase WWSS for "What Would Sheryl Say?" when we need to encourage another female colleague to own her success and to make a leap, even if it is daunting.

Speaking of work, I am proud of what I did this year. I learned a lot and worked hard to improve my skills and how I provide reporting and data. I love the people I work for, and there is a ton of support. Highlights were eating lunch alfresco with friends on our roof deck, eating my weight in double chocolate or orange cranberry muffins from the cafe, and the one bike ride and one run I went on with colleagues.

We took Henry on his first amusement ride at The Boardwalk in Ocean City. He was not ready, we had to stop two rides twice before we learned this lesson. However, he was ready to dance for a crowd while we were taking shelter from a sun-shower.  They were literally around him clapping and he tried to break dance. It was amazing.

On to the next year!

Sketches and Clothes and Chicken Scratch

I had some fun today mentally recalling what I put together clothes wise for the past ten days trying to only use items in my capsule wardrobe. I felt like sketching...

Days 7 and 8 were my favorite days, since I wore a new silk scarf that a friend gave to me, and a gorgeous 100 inch strand of pearls my mom gave me one Christmas. The pearls looked especially nice against the black blouse I wore.

I'm still working through my capsule, and I already replaced a few things, but so far it's making my morning wardrobe decisions much easier. It's also encouraging me to work with the accessories I have but never end up wearing!

Fall Fashion Capsule Wardrobe

I heard about capsule wardrobes for the first time from Caroline at Un-Fancy. As someone who flirts with the idea of minimalism, wants to be more efficient in the morning (getting out of the house for work & daycare) and is looking to eliminate daily choice overload, I was hooked!

The idea is that you select a specific amount of items of clothing, accessories and shoes for the season and pack what you won't be using until the next season. Dependent upon what "rules" you follow, accessories and shoes may or may not count. I'll likely count my shoes (forgot to draw my blue suede boots) and be unlimited with my jewelry to switch things up.

Basically, it's a strategic plan for your wardrobe, so that it is edited, cohesive, and items will work well with each other. As an artist and designer, I love having limits, it helps me be more creative and forces me to use what I have. I also am more mindful of the great items that I do have.

It was great timing since Fall has just arrived. After reading a ton of posts on Un-Fancy, I also checked out Project 333 , which was also helpful (and binge worthy). I packed up clothes, put items in the donate pile, and a mend pile.

I went to my sketchbook to figure out my 33 or 37 (still a little undecided) pieces for the next three months. It sounds like such a small number, until you start writing it down, or in my case, drawing it out.

This is my preliminary Fall 2014 capsule. I think I'll buy a white tee shirt, and maybe a green military trench if I find a good deal, but I think I'm good! Side note, I love the drawing app Paper by 53, it is so much fun, though nothing will ever replace old fashioned paper, pencils and paint!

I'm one step closer to having a jumpsuit uniform!

P.S. Look at my sweet little boy drawing too! Sigh, for cuteness...